Wednesday, April 1, 2009

11 months is coming and..

11 months is coming soon.. Tomorrow will be the 11months of me and my girlfriend being together..


There’s a lot of ups and downs revolving around us.. but we still manage to be together for 11 months.. It’s like a gift to me, everyday, seeing her.. She helped me a lot.. Step by step.. hand in hand.. just like guiding a baby.. She made me understand certain things that I could not understand before..


Sometimes, I got caught up with my own selfishness.. and did not think of how she felt for that moment.. Sometimes, I got caught up with my works.. and did not spend enough time with her.. Sometimes, I made her cry.. and was not able to understand her.. Sometimes, I made her disappointed with me.. and did not try to make myself better..


When I look into her eyes.. I knew she’s in pain.. she’s hurt by me.. but I could not do anything to comfort her as I’m pretty bad in that..

I’m not a guy who express well in real life.. At times, when I’m depressed, I laughed.. At times, when I’m happy, I just smiled.. At times, when I’m angry, I pulled a long face to everyone..


It’s not easy for me to just say “I love you..” and I ain’t good in saying it.. It makes me look like I’m joking when I say that.. Since small, parents never really teach us how to say “Wa Ai Lu” (I love you in Hokkien).. and I can’t imagine if I say that to my brother and sisters, what reaction they will give to me.. They probably going to spank me on my head.. It’s not easy like what you see in those movie where they always say “I love you mum..”


I guess culture does made a difference to different races and individuals..

I’m one who wish one to love me more.. and became an attention seeker.. who ask for nothing much but needing one to understand me much.. and sincerely love me..


It’s not easy to trust someone like me.. when I practically joke 75% in my life.. and used flowery language to everyone.. People usually mistaken I’m gay as when I speak to guys, I used the same language that I used on the girls..

I treat everyone around me equal.. I try not to abandon people and try not to hurt anyone close to me.. ‘cause I know how it feels when someone tried to abandon you and left you in despair..


Someday.. perhaps, someday.. more people could understand me and know who I am..

As for tomorrow, I don’t know what I can do for our 11months.. I’d been like forgetting the monthly anniversary for like.. all the time?! Even now, I remembered that it’ll be our 11months soon, but I am empty headed to think what to do next.. I guess, romance is not on my side..


I guess, I should plan for something next month as it’ll be our one year anniversary already.. but then, again, perhaps I need to ask all around what I can do to cheer her up!


I Love You.. (it’s easy for me to type it out.. ‘cause this is way of me expressing myself..)


This piece is for you my dear.. my love.. my Yuni..


P/S: I love you and I miss you..